Using Transactional Analysis to Improve Feedback and Team Communication
Providing effective feedback needs both skills and knowledge. While it may seem like just a conversation, the way we give and receive feedback often reflects deeper psychological patterns in communication. Transactional Analysis (TA) is about understanding the dynamics between individuals by recognizing the roles we unconsciously adopt during conversations.
Developed by Dr. Eric Berne in the late 1950s, TA is a psychological theory and therapeutic approach centered on improving interpersonal communication and behavior. Are we speaking from a place of authority? Engaging empathetically as equals? Or perhaps unconsciously slipping into defensive behavior? Recognizing these dynamics is crucial, especially in feedback scenarios.
In the context of feedback, these dynamics can determine whether our message fosters growth, creates friction, or misses the mark entirely. Transactional Analysis offers insights and tools to help us approach feedback conversations with clarity, confidence, and empathy. According to TA, people develop life scripts or unconscious life plans, which influence their behaviors and interactions throughout life. Understanding and altering these scripts can lead to healthier relationships and personal growth.
transactional analysis - ego states
Transactional Analysis posits that individuals operate from three distinct ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. The Parent state is derived from external influences and authority figures (often your own parents), the Adult state processes information objectively and is focused on facts and the presence, and the Child state encompasses our internal feelings and experiences from childhood. Dr. Eric Berne identified them as following:
1. Parent
- Critical Parent: Behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that mimic those of our authority figures (parents, teachers) when we were young. This state can be controlling, judgmental, and critical.
- Nurturing Parent: This aspect is caring, supportive, and protective, offering comfort and nurturing similar to a loving parent.
2. Adult
- This state is rational, objective, and data-driven. The Adult ego state processes information logically and responds to the "here and now" rather than being influenced by past experiences or emotions. It is the state that deals with reality and problem-solving.
3. Child
- Natural Child: This part is spontaneous, creative, and intuitive. It reflects our natural desires, emotions, and creativity.
- Adapted Child: This reflects behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that have been adapted in response to the environment, such as compliance, rebellion, or submission, often shaped by early experiences and societal expectations.
imbalance and communication consequences
Each ego state serves a purpose, and a healthy balance between them is crucial for effective communication and relationships. When one dominates disproportionately, it can lead to various negative consequences, and undermines a productive dialogue.
🚨 Dominance of the Parent State
When the Critical Parent dominates, communication can become either overly judgmental or condescending, discouraging others from sharing their views, or rigid, where ideas are dismissed without discussion, creating tension or resentment. On the other hand, if the nurturing parent dominate, it may result in excessive caretaking, reducing accountability and autonomy in others. It may also encourage dependency, or undermine others' growth and problem-solving abilities.
🚨Dominance of the Child State
If the Adapted Child dominates, communication might become submissive, with constant deferral to others' opinions. It may lead to avoidance of responsibility and inability to assert needs. If the Free Child dominates, interactions may seem impulsive, overly emotional, or detached from consequences. There’s a risk of appearing unreliable or failing to address serious matters effectively.
🚨 Dominance of the Adult State
The Adult ego state is logical, rational, and fact-driven, focused on objective reality. However, even dominance here can have negative consequences such as overemphasis on logic leading to making communication feel cold or transactional, or ignoring emotions and intuition particularly in situations requiring sensitivity or creativity.
Effective communication and feedback requires fluidity, using the Parent for care or guidance, the Adult for rational problem-solving, and the Child for creativity and connection. A lack of balance diminishes these possibilities, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and intentional shifts between states depending on the context.
TA’s life positions in feedback
In Transactional Analysis (TA), there is also a concept of life positions such as "I’m OK, you’re OK”, which profoundly affects how feedback is given, received, and processed. These positions represent our underlying attitudes towards ourselves and others in communication and relationships. Here's how they influence feedback dynamics:
I’m OK 😊, You’re OK 😊
This position reflects mutual respect and self-worth, fostering constructive and growth-oriented feedback exchanges. Feedback is provided with empathy and clarity, focusing on behaviors rather than personal judgments. The giver assumes the receiver can learn, grow, and improve, encouraging engagement rather than defensiveness. The receiver sees feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack. They acknowledge their value while appreciating the other's positive intentions, making it easier to process and act upon feedback.
I’m OK 😊, You’re Not OK 😒
This position is critical and judgmental, often leading to feedback that feels harsh or condescending. The giver may come across as superior, focusing more on finding faults than offering solutions. This risks undermining the receiver’s confidence and fostering resentment or disengagement. If feedback aligns with this mindset, the receiver might resist it entirely, thinking, “They just don’t understand me.” Alternatively, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and discouragement.
I’m Not OK 😒 , You’re OK 😊
This position reflects self-doubt, often making feedback exchanges ineffective. The giver may downplay their feedback, lack confidence in their insights, or apologize unnecessarily. The message becomes diluted, leaving the receiver unclear about what to address or change. Feedback is seen as validation of self-doubt, reinforcing insecurity or passivity. The receiver might avoid acting on feedback, thinking they lack the ability to improve.
I’m Not OK 😒, You’re Not OK 😒
This position is deeply pessimistic and often results in ineffective or negative communication. Feedback may seem hopeless or cynical, framed as, “Nothing ever changes anyway.” The giver may project their frustrations, leaving the receiver feeling attacked or unmotivated. The receiver might dismiss the feedback entirely, believing nothing they do will ever be good enough. This leads to disengagement and a lack of improvement.
The “I’m OK, you’re OK” position enables productive, respectful, and empowering feedback exchanges. It creates an environment of trust and mutual understanding, where both parties feel valued and are open to growth. By maintaining this position, we frame feedback as a dialogue rather than a confrontation. It helps bridge gaps, encouraging positive outcomes and long-term improvements for individuals and teams alike.
how to make the most of TA in feedback processing
Transactional Analysis aims to help individuals gain insights into their behaviors and interactions, enabling them to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and enhance personal and professional relationships. You can effectively integrate it into your feedback process. Whether It is identifying emotional triggers, adjusting your communication style, or steering the conversation towards solutions, below I am including some tips that may help you handle feedback moments with confidence and clarity.
🧠 identify your own ego state
Start with self-awareness and before giving feedback, ensure you are communicating from an Adult state - calm, composed, and logical. This sets the tone for constructive dialogue. The fact-based communication helps you avoid emotional reactions or judgment.
🧠 avoid communication in Critical Parent and Adapted Child dynamics
These can lead to defensiveness and resistance from the recipient.
Example:
Instead of saying, "You never finish your tasks on time." (Critical Parent - Adapted Child), reframe to:
"I noticed the last three projects were completed after the deadline. What can we do to improve planning?" (Adult - Adult).
Avoid authoritative commands or condescension (Critical Parent). Use neutral, respectful language to maintain balance.
🧠 try to analyse the recipient’s ego state
Assess (keeping in mind you might still misread their state) if they are in Parent, Adult, or Child mode. If they show emotional defensiveness (Child), show support through Nurturing Parent communication, but transition back to an Adult-Adult dialogue to address the issue.
Example:
Nurturing Parent: "I understand how frustrating it can be when deadlines feel overwhelming. Let’s figure out a way to prevent this."
Adult: "What actions can we take to better manage our time?"
🧠 invite collaboration
Use questions like, “How do you think we can improve this?” or “What resources might help?”. This approach reflects the life position “I’m OK, you’re OK” by signaling mutual respect and equality in the conversation. It fosters an Adult-Adult exchange, emphasizing that both parties are capable, responsible, and committed to finding constructive solutions together. This life position builds trust and empowers the recipient to take ownership of the next steps.
🧠 provide support but encourage autonomy
If emotions surface, show understanding, but guide the conversation toward actionable solutions rather than dwelling on frustrations. For example, “I understand this situation has been challenging, and it’s completely valid to feel that way.” This reflects the “I’m OK, you’re OK” life position, reinforcing that their feelings are acknowledged without judgment. However, it’s essential to guide the conversation toward actionable solutions to maintain progress and focus. For instance, you might say, “Let’s think about what steps we can take to move forward and address this effectively.”
summary
By consciously applying Transactional Analysis (TA), feedback can become a healthy routine in the workplace. Feedback delivered through the lens of TA doesn’t just help address performance or behavior, it builds trust, enhances relationships, and fosters personal growth. TA creates an environment where feedback is not feared but welcomed as an opportunity to learn and evolve. Eric Berne once said that “the destiny of every human being is decided by what goes on inside his skull when confronted with what goes on outside his skull.” Through TA, we can better understand these inner dialogues, enabling feedback to be not just a critique but an empowering catalyst for change.